My Dear Wes,
you don't need me to tell you, you just posted this to let us all know that your lady wife is without equal.
I've heard stories of chums who've had to walk about with pillows as armour so their wives could hit them for getting them into this mess. Apparently it works wonders for the stresses involved for the women going through these stages. Personally, I'd emigrate and come back when it's all over, but...
You're a better man than I am.
Fortune attend you all.