Dear God,

[weswilson]

I know getting older isn't supposed to be easy. Hell, I can handle the grey hair... the decaying muscles... the lethargic spacing out... the strange hair growth... I can even handle the whole getting fat and ugly part.... but could you please return the ability to wipe my ass clean after I shit? I've clogged more toilets in vain attempts for the spotless wipe, and it's just not right. It seems almost sadistic to hand me simultaneous gifts of wisdom and the inability to act on that wisdom. Please... it's not much... I thought you loved me.

Wes

Comments

[joeydiablo.livejournal.com]

You may want to carry around the wet wipes.

[chris21718.livejournal.com]

This is the funniest post I've read in a while. I haven't noticed any real change in my ability to do this as I've gotten older, and hope it doesn't happen to me. :-)

[mariapapita.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was nice.
I agree, wet wipes, you'll feel baby fresh.

[fritzling.livejournal.com]

This could help.

[trshtwns01.livejournal.com]

Bwah! Quit growing such a furry ass!

Shave it :)

[tessa11.livejournal.com]

You and my 3 year old have something in common.

[sin-da-rella.livejournal.com]

As I read your post (and nearly laughed until I cried), my UPS guy came in, which made me hysterical for some reason.
Why not try this? I've heard great things about it!
Now they even have towelettes!

[thetripper]

First off, I am older than you are and I still have no problem wiping my ass. You're not in RANGE of 40 yet, so quit yer bitchin.

And, FYI, wetnaps attract yellowjackets.

[tarpo.livejournal.com]

well thats an image i'll carry with me for the rest of my life.. Thanks.. Next time we pass paths at a con i'll make sure to hook you up with some wetnaps..

We would prefer you smell of lemon than of poo..


wait.. You wipe YOURSELF? I thought you had a GF?

hahahahahahahahaha

[dawsongirl70.livejournal.com]

hahahahahahahahahaha...

oh wait...

nope those are tears.

[kodakrome.livejournal.com]

i do hope it isn't spreading in the balzac area.. GROSS!

[gadget-girl.livejournal.com]

oddly enough, this showed up on my friendslist just a few hours after you posted this: homemade baby wipes

[idav5d.livejournal.com]

[slfdstrx.livejournal.com]

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!