Dear God,

[weswilson]

I know getting older isn't supposed to be easy. Hell, I can handle the grey hair... the decaying muscles... the lethargic spacing out... the strange hair growth... I can even handle the whole getting fat and ugly part.... but could you please return the ability to wipe my ass clean after I shit? I've clogged more toilets in vain attempts for the spotless wipe, and it's just not right. It seems almost sadistic to hand me simultaneous gifts of wisdom and the inability to act on that wisdom. Please... it's not much... I thought you loved me.

Wes

Comments

[joeydiablo.livejournal.com]

You may want to carry around the wet wipes.

[weswilson]

I bought some once... I wasn't sure if I was actually cleaning, or just diluting and spreading about.

[kodakrome.livejournal.com]

dsfgafgadsfa

[weswilson]

Is that what you call how my butt felt?

[chris21718.livejournal.com]

This is the funniest post I've read in a while. I haven't noticed any real change in my ability to do this as I've gotten older, and hope it doesn't happen to me. :-)

[weswilson]

maybe it's just MY ass he's picking on.

[mariapapita.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was nice.
I agree, wet wipes, you'll feel baby fresh.

[weswilson]

or diluted and spread out.

[fritzling.livejournal.com]

This could help.

[weswilson]

Wendy would never leave the bathroom.

[fritzling.livejournal.com]

*smiles*

[dawsongirl70.livejournal.com]

Oh I could leave... those bidet sprayers aren't nearly powerful enough.

[weswilson]

heheheheheh

[trshtwns01.livejournal.com]

Bwah! Quit growing such a furry ass!

Shave it :)

[weswilson]

Hey now... just cuz your husband is a hairy bear doesn't mean that *I* am!

[trshtwns01.livejournal.com]

So it isn't a hair problem? Eat more fiber? :)

[tessa11.livejournal.com]

You and my 3 year old have something in common.

[weswilson]

Wow... tell him I'm sorry about the grey hair.

[sin-da-rella.livejournal.com]

As I read your post (and nearly laughed until I cried), my UPS guy came in, which made me hysterical for some reason.
Why not try this? I've heard great things about it!
Now they even have towelettes!

[weswilson]

I'll look that up.

[thetripper]

First off, I am older than you are and I still have no problem wiping my ass. You're not in RANGE of 40 yet, so quit yer bitchin.

And, FYI, wetnaps attract yellowjackets.

[tarpo.livejournal.com]

Is it sad that I have this image of some poor bastard with a hornets nest growing on his ass?

[weswilson]

I'm 36! It's a stone's throw to 40!

[tarpo.livejournal.com]

well thats an image i'll carry with me for the rest of my life.. Thanks.. Next time we pass paths at a con i'll make sure to hook you up with some wetnaps..

We would prefer you smell of lemon than of poo..


wait.. You wipe YOURSELF? I thought you had a GF?

hahahahahahahahaha

[dawsongirl70.livejournal.com]

hahahahahahahahahaha...

oh wait...

nope those are tears.

[kodakrome.livejournal.com]

i do hope it isn't spreading in the balzac area.. GROSS!

[weswilson]

I scrub my balzac and keep it fresh.

[gadget-girl.livejournal.com]

oddly enough, this showed up on my friendslist just a few hours after you posted this: homemade baby wipes

[weswilson]

sensible... yet ghetto.

[idav5d.livejournal.com]

[idav5d.livejournal.com]

... and just in case your parents left out something "important" during your potty training http://kyo.fobby.net/butt.html

[weswilson]

ASSTIMONIALS!

[slfdstrx.livejournal.com]

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

[weswilson]

You suffer from the dirty bum.