A Little Less Meager Than The Other One

• Dubious motivation: So much in my life is in flux right now. I have my two oldest kids in the house for the summer, my podcasting/youtube work is in this limbo right before something really big is due to happen, my web design work is mostly on hold while I fix some server stuff, POC is over and the new planning stages have started, and a system administrator position I was going to fill requires me to do some pretty significant PHP work that I'm having trouble beginning. I could pick up one or more of these projects, but the fact that the kids are in the house really puts a damper on things. See, I take a while to get motivated... and I have to have gotten my distractions behind me... then I can pick up my work... but I'm also waffling pretty hard on what I should actually be working on. What's important? What means anything? How can I turn something I'm doing... ANYTHING I'm doing... into something that earns me some money. It all feels like housework... doomed to be instantly repeated once the initial task is done.



• Internet Fixation: So I do a sweep of social media, consume some clever internet content, drop some comments here and there, read my political debate communities, and skim the comments on our latest videos. Once that is done, I can dig into my project, right? But if the kids need something, I get pulled away, I get distracted, and then I return with a "quick" sweep of those tasks. And heaven forbid I comment on a political issue and get someone challenging what I've said! Because if that happens, I have an hour's worth of reading and research to do so that my reply is both accurate and poignant. And if I get into an extended debate, that will call me away from whatever else I'm doing repeatedly throughout the day.

So the emergence of an LJ Nostaglia group on Facebook has inspired a lot of people to renew their interest in Livejournal. The loss of "long form" journaling and the lack of unique comraderie that developed in this medium has apparently even effected me. Is it possible to renew your interest in old social media? Can I double-dip into LJ and walk out not feeling like I'm simply trying to recapture old glories? We'll see.

As it is, I've been apparently missing my old glories pretty seriously. Play On Con was last week, and for the first time in a long, long time, I kept up with pretty much everyone...and it made my weekend. I got less than 4 hours sleep each night, drank like a fish, stayed in the pool till the sun chased me out, flirted like a madman, and hosted events with my "host personality" in full effect. I seriously felt 10 years younger, and got a renewed sense that my existence held the ability to effect my world. At home, with the kids, things can feel petty and small... like the entire world is encompassed in one or two wants that need to be fulfilled. When I'm feeling strong, I feel like I can serve elaborate and complex interests, giving people something they didn't even know they wanted. It's kindov magnificent... and I certainly missed it.

So now I'm back to my regular life... where my kids bicker, my time is squandered, and drinking much of anything give me an abominable hangover. So we'll see if I can maintain my sanity till the next time I feel potent and able to mold my own reality with any efficacy. There are some changes on the horizon for me, and I might be leveraging my small amount of e-fame into a full-time job. That would please me greatly.